I woke up from an epic dream on Tuesday and something in my head had switched. I don't know how long it will last but I like where I'm going. I have started to recognize how wasteful I am and particularly how unconscious I am about my decisions. I am trying to see things in a different light moving forward. It will take some practice like all things.

I hate to say that I am not doing better but I did have an epiphany last weekend. I don't enjoy wrecking myself anymore. I don't feel better and I don't gain anything but weight which makes me feel horrible. I suddenly felt to old to be at the bar I frequent and that was when I realized that my body isn't as resilient any more and it will only get worse. It's not worth it and I'm done. Done done done.

My body is so tight from working out. I think I will need another rest day or week. I am feeling very run down from working 9 hour days. Blah. This is not easy because when I get to eat I'm starving. Bad news.

I am feeling really discouraged. I think I'm going to have to journal everytime I go to eat crap. I have the worst time obviously when I drink. Control goes out the window. It is not that I think I look bad but to do what I want to do I can't carry anything extra. I think I need to drop some muscle mass too which means I need to tone down the workouts and really focus on my food issues. Hate it.

The weekends are ruining my routines. I love the weekend but because I work so hard in the week it makes me want to play hard and when I play hard I gain weight. I don't like that but I like playing. It's definitely about me striking a balance I'm just not sure how to get there.

Started my new plan today to take a dance class at least 3 times a week. It felt pretty good to move like that. Of course some things are a bit shocking when I can't do then like I used to. I assume it will get easier with practice and lots of massage!

Doing great with my plan to rest. I'm feeling minor guilt but nothing too bad. I took a long nap today. It felt great. I'm still tired though. I am going to weight train in a few hours. I think I can pull it together after I eat some meat.

I seem to be hovering at this weight. I've been feeling very sluggish and not in the mood to excercise. I'm about to receive my "miracle" again so I might take it easy this week. Rest and eat well. I say that now but we'll see.

I started a new fitness endeavor yesterday evening. I'm actually doing YOGA! It is soooo challenging for me. It's mostly a mental challenge for me to one get over all the hokey stuff and two to work through the pain. I hope that it will help prevent injury with all of my running. I also hope that it will help my flexibility along on the road to getting in dance shape.

I've come back to the problem with constipation. So glamourous. I refuse to do smooth move again. Not sure what the game plan is but I don't want to do anything drastic. I think it's my stress levels. I need rest! Tonight it's on. In bed by 8:30 with a book and feet up.

I regressed in many ways this holiday weekend. I gained weight and I lost brain cells. I sure do love those empty calories. I was out in the sun drinking all weekend. Not only did I get swollen and puffy from drinking but I was dehydrated as well. I spent last night chugging water until I finally had to pee at 2:30 a.m. Good job. My scale was pissed this morning. I went for a long run and spent a good amount of time in the sauna. I hope that some of the pounds on the scale this morning was water weight and bloat. Fingers crossed.

So my little problem with constipation was solved by a double dose of Smooth Move tea on Wednesday night. I had the joy of stomach cramps and running to the toilet every 20 minutes Thursday at work. So fun. I was just so happy to be "moving" again. As predicted I shed some pounds. Ha.

I'm very aggravated today. I haven't taken a crap in 2 days which is very abnormal for me. I believe it is the change in diet and the stress I am putting on my body plus my increased hours at work. I took some smooth move tea tonight at the suggestion of a co-worker. I'm going to bed early and will hopefully shed major pounds in the morning. Ha!

So I got a heat rash. Yuck. I was out on the lake all day Saturday and didn't burn (luck and genetics). Sunday I went for a run outside around 11. I was wearing a tank top I have worn maybe once and I think it was a combination of new fabric and heat that gave me a rash covering my entire back. The good news is that you can't really see it and it only itches a little when I'm sweating. Still... it's a rash. Neat.

The hardest thing about weight loss is changing my emotional patterns with food. I enjoy food. I love to eat socially. I reward myself with "treats". I eat when I am sad. I eat when I am bored. As I am logging my calories during the day I notice that I am very conscious of what I put in my mouth. This is a habit that I am going to continue for as long as I need to. I've had shameful moments with food during the course of my life. I hope that getting my food habits on paper everyday will prevent me from feeling shame again.

So... my motivation for joining this competition was to get back in to dancing shape. I have been a dancer as long as I could walk. I moved back to Texas 3 years ago and pretty much stopped dancing completely besides taking a few classes here and there. Yesterday I taught 2 dances classes in a row. It was the first time teaching dance since NY. What a revival. My body felt trashed after 2 hours of dancing but I certainly didn't care. It feels amazing to move like that again. I'm amped, my spirits are high, and I'm even more ready to FIGHT for it. My current goal is 16 more pounds by August 26th when I go back to visit my friends in NY. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

I am going to blame being a woman on my water weight I've been carrying around. I had my "blessing" last week and I am finally starting to drop some weight. My acupuncturist prescribed some herbs to help me get rid of that so we will see next time around. Yuck.

I certainly broke my habit of journaling already. Oops. Nothing I can't pick up and start again today.
My run on Friday was a hill run with my trainer. OUCH. I could barely move on Friday or Saturday. I'm currently visiting my parents this weekend so it was easy for me to take the day off on Saturday.
Anyhow, next week will be about getting back into a habit. Here we go!

It's a stand off. I'm expecting to have a major drop after the weekend. I have received my "miracle" and I'm retaining weight. Lame. Can't wait until this cycle is over.

My little trip set me back a bit. Oops. I had fun though. I ended up running on Sunday despite my plan for a break. I actually felt pretty good when I woke up Sunday morning so I figured I had better hit it while I can because I know I will have a day when I hurt too much. I'm excited about this challenge for the results and also because I know it is creating great running habits. I'm hooked. Getting a massage today. Yay!!!

New running program started yesterday. Intense run this morning as punishment for night of drinking. Ouch. Day off tomorrow so I don't hate life Monday. That's it for now. Writing on friend's iPhone. Frustrating. Over and out.

The weekend is coming!!!! I'm going to visit one of my dearest friends in Houston. The number one problem I have come across in a social drinking situation is that everyone becomes self-conscious when you are not drinking. The solution I have created is to always have a water in your hand (preferably mineral in a bottle). Most people will leave you alone as long as they see that you are drinking. Tricked ya!

So here I am again. I'm about the same weight as I was the first time I started this competition. I went through a long depression and over-consumption phase. I am now back calorie counting and it is no wonder I gained all the weight back. Those calories add up fast even when you are eating really clean. Yikes. Here's to 2 months of creating habit and mindfulness.

So I think I tried everything during the month of May.
Week one I counted calories and decided to cut as many as I could. I kept my usual workout patterns while eating less. That week sucked. I was tired all the time... yet the weight came off.
Week two I upped my calorie intake and changed my workout patterns. I stopped doing my high intensity workouts and focused on low intensity for much longer durations. Instead of running for 3-6 miles (40-70 minutes) I walked and did a short run (1.5-2 hours). I ended up burning more calories with less fatigue. I also discovered the beauty of the sauna that week... and the weight came off.
Week three I decided to do the same thing and I plateaued. Bummer. I talked to a lot of people and got the advice to "spike my metabolism". Your body figures out patterns very quickly and if you are doing the same thing day to day your metabolism will shut down. So with much enthusiasm I added one day of rest and another day of consuming more calories... and the weight came off.
The fourth week I became very sick. Run down immune system maybe? I had a sinus infection which caused the drainage to infect my throat. I was in a lot of pain. Needless to say swallowing sucked. I guess a diet of Frozen Yogurt isn't so bad for a while. I went from working out for several hours a day to barely moving... and the weight came off.
The entire experience was very enlightening. I am already a pretty healthy eater but I saw by counting calories where they were sneaking in. Alcohol. I tell everyone this that is trying to lose weight. Watch your alcohol content. It is shocking when that adds up. I also learned that changing things up is essential and that your body needs calories to burn calories. Eating clean as much as possible but giving yourself a treat once and a while is also important. If you deprive yourself of the things you love you will binge once you get them. It was hard work but it was fun. Congratulations to everyone for your successes and best of luck in your future endeavors.
Sincerely
Stephanie